Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
