Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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