I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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