Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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