i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
