yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Congratulations! We have a period
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