I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
