Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
