two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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