Do you still have your period?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
