Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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