A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
