He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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