Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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