My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize