apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Enjoy the penises
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
