For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
