I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
