some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
