I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize