do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
