I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i already hear my dad disowning me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
