You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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