I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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