Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza