that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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