Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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