I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
