I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize