I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
