I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just invented taco cereal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
