i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
