It's Friday. Sex?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
