There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
