Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
