i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
