Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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