Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
