She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
