No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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