I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
