Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
