I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize