??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
