I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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