i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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