If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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