She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
