So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
