drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
