I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
