can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
