Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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