i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
