from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dating After Heartbreak
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.