Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.

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  (248): piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up. http://tfl.nu/j6d2
  Replies (3) Good night (710) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back

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  (973): Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back http://tfl.nu/zjkd
  Replies (22) Good night (7303) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs

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  (773): I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs http://tfl.nu/cj7x
  Replies (29) Good night (4384) Bad night (875)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

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  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (58) Good night (12147) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains

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  (909): At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains http://tfl.nu/rchm
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (2255)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience

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  (978): Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience http://tfl.nu/snc8
  Replies (12) Good night (2609) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route

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  (519): Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route http://tfl.nu/dfjg
  Replies (6) Good night (3110) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...

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  (310): I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall... http://tfl.nu/nu3z
  Replies (8) Good night (1369) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.

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  (207): Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far. http://tfl.nu/heu3
  Replies (16) Good night (1769) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Understatement of the year.

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  (440): Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions. (330): Understatement of the year. http://tfl.nu/jbsv
  Replies (2) Good night (933) Bad night (505)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.

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  (920): Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/df8w
  Replies (3) Good night (439) Bad night (1424)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"

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  (608): I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!" http://tfl.nu/mxo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1109) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.

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  (801): You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fwv4
  Replies (5) Good night (329) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.

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  (801): I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker. http://tfl.nu/s4wz
  Replies (2) Good night (475) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Where'd you go last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.

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  (512): Where'd you go last night? (512): Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hvgs
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (236)

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