is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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