i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.