Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.