I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.