R you on birth control?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!