Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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