apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
