Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You ruined the universe
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