So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
