she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
