My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
